Unpacking the Father/Daughter Relationship in Meet You At The Light
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South Asian representation within Western media is hard to come by, but relatable, heartfelt representation is damn near impossible to find. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I cried during each viewing of Meet You at the Light, directed by Alexander Farah. This music video created for local artist Desire Dawson’s title track truly touched me, allowing me to feel both seen and heard on screen.
The six-minute video explores the relationship between a young woman and her diabetic father, while touching deeply upon the many dynamic layers of a South Asian household. Particularly, we see the role that the oldest daughter plays in the family, and how, more often than not, she is enlisted with responsibilities well beyond her grasp.
Though I’m the youngest of three, I’ve witnessed my older sister take on household burdens that naturally should have gone to the oldest sibling—my brother. Frankly, his gender grants him a pass to not have to onboard certain responsibilities, just as my lineup as the youngest does.
The expectations of my older sister to take on more household chores, be financially available, and to be held to an overall higher standard aren't exclusive to Asian families by any means. But when you're a part of a culture that values collectivism and filial piety (the attitude of devotion and care toward one's parents and elder family members that is the basis of individual moral conduct and social harmony), it's pretty common to hear similar experiences from other Asian daughters.
Meet You at the Light sustains a similar narrative in which the daughter of a South Asian household takes on many responsibilities in aiding her diabetic father. It explores how the intersections of love, responsibility and patience all weave together in parent-daughter dynamics, in a way that is both playful and sincere. One of the biggest factors that makes this story feel so real is the casting choice of a real-life father-daughter duo. Their tangible bond is captured on screen throughout the video, adding even more authenticity to the story.
SAD Mag was lucky to have an in-depth conversation with Alexander Farah, the director of the Meet You at the Light music video. We discussed familial constructs, the inspiration behind the video, the significance of on-screen representation, and the potential for tenderness within storytelling.
“The daughter of the film is based on a very close friend of mine. Her dad was dealing with various health issues and passed away in 2020. I got a front row look into how much she took care of him,” Farah told SAD Mag.
“There’s this idea that when parents reach a certain age they become a burden to their kids, but I witnessed my friend love taking care of her dad so much. It was as though it was an extension of her own personality.”
Hearing Alexander talk about witnessing his friend’s journey of caretaking made me think of this father-daughter dynamic in a different way. While sacrifices are often made in one's personal life to take care of their family/parents, the video showshow those sacrifices become secondary to the devotion that comes with reciprocating the care that was given to you.
“There was such richness in their relationship that made me think about the eldest daughter in a lot of brown families, and how the caretaker responsibility is inherently on them, even if there's an older brother in the picture.”
Though the emotions explored in the video of grief and loss are universal, there is this “brown element that is essentially cultural seasoning” Alexander explained.
“You either get it or you don’t, but if you don’t it's still ultimately a story of a parent and a child. It hits different with immigrant kids, but even with non racialized people, it packs a punch because it's easy to identify with that emotional connection.”
Alexander’s video comments on a dynamic personal to him, both as a person and as a filmmaker.
“Parent-child dynamics will be something I wanna explore more in my work. There's this paradox where the less agency the father has as a parent, the closer he and his daughter become to one another. I found that really beautiful. Once we cast this project and went with an emerging actress (Ishaval Gill) and her real non-actor dad, that’s when the project took on a life of its own.”
For 6 weeks leading up to production, Alexander and the cast worked on the on-screen and off-screen material by exploring the father-daughter relationship, having therapy-like conversations about their ability to become these characters on-screen.
Alexander describes how the boundaries of real life and fiction became blurred throughout this process. “It was my responsibility to work on pulling parts of their relationship out, which looked like getting them to interview one another, talking about their relationship, listening to music together… It led to both intense and playful moments.”
The work that Alexander put into finding the true essence of their relationship is really what makes this video as powerful as it is. For example, the crematorium and dialysis office were filmed at real locations, rented for the shoot. The house seen throughout the video was also shot at Ishaval and her father’s house.
“Using their house was like unlocking a whole new layer. This was their house, their bathtub, their clothes. It felt almost sacred to be given access to them, their lives and their vulnerability.”
Through securing real locations, or having to work through the dynamics of casting a real-life father-daughter, the challenges of this piece ultimately turned into one of the most genuine and heartfelt pieces of representation I have seen. Not only did it take the ‘eldest daughter’ construct and portray it in an accurate way, but it also made me reconsider my relationship with my family… more specifically, my parents.
It reminded me of how tender and special it is to take care of someone who once took care of you, how the smallest gestures can say what words can’t.
Meet You at the Light won best music video at the SXSW festival in Austin, Texas, and has picked up many other accolades along the way. Be sure to check it out on Vimeo
Tasheal Gill is a film production student with a passion for storytelling through various artistic platforms. She is dedicated to uplifting BIPOC voices, and telling stories through a socially conscious lens. Follow her on Instagram (@tashealgill).
